i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
