I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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