Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
