I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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