I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
