My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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