The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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