Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
