One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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