ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
