I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
