Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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