saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
