Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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