So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
