i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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