If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
