I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
