like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
