Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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