I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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