I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
