at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
