This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
