I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
