Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
