Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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