In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
