dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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