so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize