If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
