Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
