So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I party with great urgency now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
