Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
