You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Randomize
