I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
