Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
