Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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