The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
