I'd wear matching sweaters with you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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