Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
