I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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