***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
