My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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