if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
