I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
