we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Less talking, more tequila
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
