You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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