sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
