getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
