booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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