They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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