Buhtt sex?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
